Leonardo da Vinci said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the author of “The Little Prince,” said, “Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”
I think you know where I’m going with this. To get the most out of this article, you will already have spent some time discovering your values.
How many values are on your list right now? Some of you will have selected five or even ten values. That’s too much!
It’s time to sharpen the sword, prune the tree, or polish the diamond (pick a metaphor that works for you). This process can be uncomfortable, but it will give you clarity. Remember the three C’s: “Clarity creates control.”
How many core values are optimal?
Researchers, corporate consultants, authors, and philosophers have different ideas about the number of values we should select. Note that I say “select” as if you can shop for values like you might shop for shoes. In actuality, we’re not selecting values; we’re unearthing them. They’re like diamonds in a rocky substrate, and our job is to carefully extract, shape, polish, and wear them.
As with jewelry, when it comes to core values, less is more (unless you value bling). You might be tempted to have lots of values—integrity, love, freedom, health, success, sustainability, family—it could go on. However, these are not your values—these are ideals!
However, honing in on three—or even two—core values is more effective for a focused, meaningful life. You might wonder why. After all, shouldn’t we exemplify a broad spectrum of values? While nice in theory, the reality is that spreading yourself too thin will dilute your efforts and lead to choice overload. If you’re juggling a dozen core values, chances are you’ll find it hard to make consistently aligned decisions. This doesn’t mean that other values are unimportant, but leveraging a few enables you to act with speed, clarity, and conviction.
Think about it this way: When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority. The Pareto Principle, often known as the 80/20 rule, suggests that 80% of your outcomes come from 20% of your efforts. Similarly, a few core values should guide the majority of your actions and decisions. They become pillars that support the architecture of your life, making it easier to prioritize, decide, and understand the trade-offs you’re willing to make.
The Rule of Three — and your values
Let’s explore the “Rule of Three,” which is a testament to the universal appeal of patterns and rhythm in human cognition. Whether in literature, design, or comedy, this rule suggests that triads—whether they be concepts, words, or visuals—are inherently engaging, satisfying, and memorable. In the realm of communication, the trifecta strategy emphasizes points, crafts cadence, and enhances retention.
Consider Julius Caesar’s “Veni, vidi, vici” (I came, I saw, I conquered) or Abraham Lincoln’s “government of the people, by the people, for the people.” Comedy often relies on the rule of three, where two similar items set up a pattern, and the third item humorously breaks it.
As kids, we learn our ABCs, and most stories—including those about little pigs, bears, sisters, witches, or wishes—have a three-part sequence: beginning, middle, and end.
Many successful companies have whittled their values down to three for memorability and clarity. Airbnb’s three values are “Belong anywhere,” “Host,” and “Champion the mission.” Square’s core values are “Show up,” “Keep pace,” and “Win together.” LinkedIn emphasizes “Transformation,” “Integrity,” and “Collaboration.” Dell prioritizes “Direct relationships,” “Global citizenship,” and “Winning.” Atlassian stands by the values of “Open company, no bullshit,” “Build with heart and balance,” and “Play as a team.” It’s so much easier to remember three values than a laundry list of words that ultimately will be forgotten.
How to identify your top 3 values
Now it’s your turn. We’re going to trim your list of values to three. Here’s how.
- Intuitive First Pass: Quickly skim through your list and highlight or circle the values that immediately jump out to you. Trust your gut feeling.
- Visualization Exercise: Close your eyes and imagine your ideal self in five years. Which values are guiding this future version of you?
- The Five Whys: For each value that stands out to you, ask yourself, “Why is this important to me?” five times in succession. This technique delves deeper into the underlying reasons and can help reveal your three core values.
- Value Pairing: Compare two values and ask yourself, “If I could only live by one of these values for the rest of my life, which would it be?” This will help you prioritize.
- Daily Reflection: Over a week, reflect each day on which values were most present or lacking in your actions and decisions? This can shed light on what’s important to you.
- Consult Trusted Individuals: Sometimes, an outside perspective can provide clarity. Discuss your values list with friends, family, or mentors. They might offer insights on what values they see you embodying most.
- Crisis Scenario: Imagine you’re in a challenging situation. Which values would guide your actions? The ones that instinctively come to the fore in crises often hold significance.
- Legacy Reflection: Think about the legacy you want to leave behind. What three values do you want to be remembered for? What would you like people to say they admired about you at your funeral?
- Consolidation: Some values might be different words but hold similar meanings for you. See if any can be grouped under a single umbrella term. Ideally, your three values should be complimentary but not too similar. For example, if you value kindness and generosity, you could consolidate these as altruism.
For the brave amongst you, Brené Brown, in her work on vulnerability and courage, suggests that people should focus on only two core values. She believes that by narrowing it down, individuals will be even more clear about what matters.
I think that three values offer more flexibility, protecting against being overly rigid or biased toward one or two specific values.
Your personal values hierarchy
Now, before we finish up, I’d like you to rank your three values. While all three are fundamental, arranging them in a priority order ensures clarity during situations where values might conflict.
Consider this real-world example:
As the last rays of sunset permeate the 18th floor of a glass office building, Jatinder, a dynamic HR leader, finds herself at a crossroads. Her values, in order of priority, are physical well-being, accomplishment, and respect. She’s looking forward to her 7 p.m. Pilates class, a personal commitment she rarely misses. However, a last-minute email from the CEO requests her presence at an impromptu strategy session—at the same time as Pilates. If she misses Pilates, she will feel resentment towards her CEO and workplace. However, she would like to participate because she wants to advance her career. Physical well-being versus accomplishment. How does Jatinder decide?
Option A: Because physical well-being is Jatinder’s top value, she can decisively yet politely decline the meeting. It’s an easy decision. But does not attending threaten her at the level of survival? Would it compromise her job security? As mentioned earlier, survival values usually short-circuit our higher values-based behaviors—and for good reason. If Jatinder is confident that her role is secure, she may benefit from asserting clear boundaries with her CEO, demonstrating that she lives with integrity.
Option B: Jatinder realizes the importance of participating in company strategy, plus there is a risk that others will undermine her. So, she reframes the situation and sees it not as a loss of Pilates hour but as a testament to her dedication and adaptability. In this case, she decides to practice Pilates at home before the meeting. There are, after all, many great instructors on YouTube.
The purpose of having a values hierarchy is to enable cognitive flexibility and reduce resentment and regret in our lives. Resentment is a poison you create for someone else and then drink yourself. Engaging your three values gives you options for guiding—and reframing—how you will react or respond to challenges.
How to rank your values
Here is how to rank your top three values in order of personal importance and impact.
Step 1: Deep Dive Reflection
Action: Conduct a deep dive reflection for each of the three values. This means spending some time in a quiet place with paper, pen, and this book. Consider how each value manifests in your life, its importance to you, and specific instances where it has guided your decisions, behaviors, and overall sense of fulfillment.
Step 2: Impact and Fulfillment Assessment
Criteria: Assess each value based on its impact on your life and the fulfillment it brings. Use these questions to guide your assessment:
- Impact: How does prioritizing this value enrich my life and the lives of those around me?
- Fulfillment: How much genuine satisfaction and joy do I derive from living according to this value?
Step 3: Consistency and Resilience Check
Criteria: Evaluate each value for its consistency in your life and resilience to changes.
- Consistency: Has this value been a steady guide across different areas and phases of my life?
- Resilience: Is my commitment to this value strong, even when faced with challenges or changes in external circumstances?
Step 4: Comparative Analysis
Based on your reflections and assessments, compare each value against the others. Consider which value you would prioritize if you made a difficult choice that could only align with one of these values. If people said only one thing about you at your funeral, what would they say? For example, “Brad was kind.” Does that describe you without the need for additional values? If so, it is your number one.
Step 5: Ranking Exercise
Based on the deep dive reflections, impact and fulfillment assessment, consistency and resilience check, and comparative analysis, rank the values from 1 to 3, with 1 being the most important value to you personally.
Final Reflection
Reflect on your ranked values. Do they align with your authentic self? This final reflection is crucial to ensure the ranking genuinely reflects the essence of what is most important to you.
If you’re stuck, try using an AI tool like ChatGPT to help you brainstorm. Prompt it by writing: help me rank my top three values. My values are {list them}.
