Consider the story of your life. Your story reflects the chain of daily decisions you have made and the resulting actions you have taken. Central to your decisions are values. They serve as an internal compass, guiding you through a world that is perpetually changing, often overwhelming, and certainly uncertain.
Your values are like an algorithm in a GPS that continually evaluates which roads will provide an optimal route to your destination. However, they don’t just scan for speed; they consider what is most important. Your destination could be parenthood, career progression, or philanthropy. It is your values that help you navigate towards this destination, avoiding paths that may lead to distress and nudging you toward what matters.
For example, you might realize that you have not been living in alignment with your value of physical fitness. You resolve to get fit, but there are many potential routes:
- Join a Crossfit club and do three half-hour sessions per week
- Sign up with a Yoga studio and practice for three hours per week
- Take up long-distance running
You might think that your final decision is based purely on preference. But if you enjoy all three activities, how will you decide?
If you value time with family, you might forgo long-distance running and choose the convenience of Crossfit. If you value peace, you will likely choose a yoga studio over a high-intensity workout or hitting the road. If you value freedom, then marathons might be your thing. Your underlying values ultimately offer the route to your destination.
Values provide direction
Especially in times of hardship, when life’s pressures and expectations weigh heavily upon us, our values can serve as torches in the darkness. They clarify what is truly important, inspiring us to act accordingly. When we follow a route charted by our values, we are not merely enduring life’s trials; we are actively engaging with them. This is called values alignment or integrity.
Values-aligned action leads to fulfillment, which is essential for personal resilience and well-being. In a society where external achievements are often hailed as the ultimate success, living in harmony with our values offers a more reflective, internal form of accomplishment. It is the satisfaction that stems from knowing we are being authentic and respecting our true selves, both in tranquil and turbulent times.
In this sense, our values are the architects of our fulfillment, and the silent co-authors of a life that is not just good but also profoundly, resonantly meaningful. It is important to be aware of typical obstacles to values-alignment.
Values make us happy
My favorite definition of happiness was gifted to me by Dr Sven Hansen, founder of the Resilience Institute. He said, “Happiness is a temporary relief from suffering.” For most people plugged into our modern world, suffering—most often in the form of stress—is a common adversary, and the pursuit of happiness can feel like an endless maze. However, the solution to both might be simpler than we think—it could be closely tied to understanding and aligning with our core values.
Psychology researchers have discovered the profound effect our values can have on our well-being. For instance, a study conducted by Deci and Ryan, pioneers of Self-Determination Theory, found that when people live in alignment with their values, they are more likely to experience a higher quality of life, including less stress and greater happiness. This is because living according to our values acts as a psychological stabilizer.
Consider stress, which is a physiological response evolved to protect us from immediate danger. Today’s stressors are more likely to be psychological—work pressures, family conflicts, or societal expectations—than physical threats like lions, wolves, or marauding enemy tribes. A risk we often don’t recognize is how, when our actions are at odds with our values, the discord generates constant, low-level stress, like a computer program running in the background, consuming mental energy. This is called chronic—rather than acute—stress, and it leads to inflammation, weakened immunity, and mental health disorders. Living in line with our values eases this internal conflict. We make decisions with more clarity and conviction, freeing ourselves from the exhausting pull of indecision and second-guessing.
In her work on happiness, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests that intentional activities, such as living in accordance with our values, play a significant role in supporting fulfillment. When our actions resonate with our values, each decision we make and each action we take feels meaningful and satisfying, thus contributing to a more enduring form of happiness.
It is clear that values can guide us through life’s complexities, reducing the friction that generates stress and pointing us toward actions that fulfill us, making happiness more accessible. In this light, our values are not words or concepts; they are practical tools for a more focused, less stressful, and happier life. They are not luxuries but necessities for our modern minds and spirits—keys to a life of less stress and greater fulfillment.
Values give clarity
We have more options available than ever before. Research shows that having too many choices—called the Paradox of Choice—leads to decisions made out of convenience, peer pressure, or fleeting desires rather than what is important. As a result, the modern abundance meant to empower us can inadvertently distance us from our authentic selves, compromising the integrity of our decisions and actions. On the flip side, we sometimes get lost on the back streets of life without realizing that alternative routes are available.
Having a clear set of values is like carrying a high-powered LED headtorch while on a night expedition. Without the headtorch, we’re stumbling in the dark, often selecting the path of least resistance. Switch the torch on, and suddenly, we can delineate shapes, identify pathways, and avoid obstacles. Turned on—or brought to the forefront of decision-making—our values cut through the fog of uncertainty and illuminate paths that, while they may still be challenging, are clearly defined and aligned with what is most important. As my mentor, Ian Hutchinson, famously says, “Clarity creates control.”
Properly engaged, our core values can act as powerful lenses through which we perceive and interact with the world. When faced with choices, large or small, it is our values that can help us to quickly and confidently discern which options are in alignment with our authentic selves. Instead of becoming paralyzed by the many possible directions one could take, our values simplify these decisions by eliminating options that don’t resonate. It’s a clarifying process, removing the extraneous noise and leaving behind only those choices that are congruent with who we are and who we strive to be.
For example, if honesty is a central value, the decision to speak the truth—even when uncomfortable—becomes unequivocal. If compassion guides our lives, our actions towards others, particularly in tense situations, will be infused with understanding and empathy rather than hostility. When we establish what matters most to us, the ambiguous becomes clear, and what was once a branching path of endless options becomes a focused route that feels right and resonant with our inner self.
In this way, our values are not just abstract ideals; they are practical tools for living a more purposeful and less chaotic life. They are both an internal compass and a headtorch, pointing us in the direction that aligns with our deepest convictions and helping us map a path.
In the quest for a clear and meaningful life, our values are our most trusted guides. They clarify our path, simplify our choices, and instill in us the confidence to navigate the complex and often uncertain journey of life with purpose and without regret.
Steve Jobs famously said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Don’t trust destiny or karma. Trust your values. Steve valued innovation, focus and excellence—and look at the impact he made.
Values help you say no
Now, let’s talk about the power of saying “no.” When your values are clear, this two-letter word becomes an essential tool for shaping your life according to your own terms. It’s not just a rejection or a denial; it’s a valiant act.
As highlighted in “The Power of Saying No” by Vanessa Patrick PHD, this vital skill conserves personal energy and time, ensures alignment with core values, prevents burnout from overcommitment, enhances self-worth, sharpens decision-making, fortifies relationships, and paves the way for meaningful opportunities and growth. This academic perspective echoes a sentiment often attributed to successful individuals like Warren Buffett, who once remarked, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
Think about it this way: if work-life balance is one of your values, declining an invitation to a work-related event on your day off is not just about saying no to your employer—it’s about saying yes to your well-being and personal life.
Your values empower you to create boundaries that respect your time, energy, and emotional space. By understanding and applying your values, you’re not just navigating life’s challenges; you’re consciously shaping your life’s direction, saying no to pathways that ultimately will lead you to suffering, regret, or boredom, and yes to those that will lead to fulfillment.
